Diabadass Life

I cried today.

Happy, relieved, grateful, prideful tears.

My diabetic specialist came in during my appointment and was remarking at how perfect my numbers have been the last few weeks. She said she’s never really seen such steady, controlled numbers from a type 1, and she loves the variety of the nutritious foods I consume.

I don’t get much positive feedback regarding my diabetes whatsoever… not because my regular doctor is negative or anything, but because unfortunately, his praise was always followed by a ‘but…’ because my numbers have NEVER reflected my efforts, ever.

So he would encourage me, and when he’d listen to my eating and lifestyle habits he would always say I’m doing everything right… but again, my numbers never reflected that, which is honestly one of the more frustrating things I’ve experienced; this continuous, years-long hampster wheel loop of hard work but getting nowhere.

So today, to get such good news, kind words and sweet praise without a ‘but’, it went right to my heart, it sung to my feelings… it felt SO good.

It was a VERY welcome boost, a feeling I’ve been chasing for some time now… not so much the praise, but more so the feeling of my Diabetes being controlled… that is a feeling that has eluded me for so many years… TOO MANY years.

So today, I cried. I fought them, but they slipped out. And my gratitude actually caused her to get misty eyed, too.

And I know, as she said, there will be elevated numbers with no rhyme or reason; no explanation, nothing I did or didn’t do… that’s just the relationship between diabetes and pregnancy hormones.

But now I know how to “fix” that; now I feel capable and {{sorta}} in control – it’s been forever since I felt that way! 💕

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Thankful Thursday – Type 1 Diabetes treatment

I am STUNNED.

I had blood work today, 3 months after we began treating me as a Type 1 Diabetic, after treating as a Type 2 the previous 8+ years.

It’s been a LONG TIME since I left my doctors office happy and feeling positive! 😊

As a Type 2, I was doing everything right (but not perfectly), and it was actually making me worse… consistently boosting my numbers and well, to say that was defeating and frustrating wouldn’t even begin to cover it.

And I’ll admit to serious resistance to treat as Type 1 because as I have been very open about, the idea of more needles/injections was absolutely nauseating.

But I agreed to give it a try because, while I hate to use the word ‘desperation’, that’s what my attempts to get my Diabetes under control had become, and I honestly couldn’t stand that.

The bad results despite my efforts were stressing me out, which was making said results even worse. It was a vicious cycle and I finally recognized I couldn’t keep doing this hamster wheel junk.

And my first visit since we changed my course of treatment (a month into the new treatment), I wasn’t too impressed BUT I did decide I was going to trust my DOCTOR when he told me to trust my BODY – that this period of adjustment was both necessary and normal; that my body was doing what it needed to do.

(And it was HARD to trust the process… but believe it or not, I can DO hard things!)

I went in today expecting bad numbers because honestly, October kicked my ass; my stress levels were through the roof and I ate every ounce of my emotions.

But here, today, he gave me my lowest numbers in over 4 years. He gave me a number that, while still having room for improvement, has me sitting pretty as a controlled Diabetic… and that’s what I have longed for, that’s what I have been working towards for YEARS.

It’s still work, on my end… day in, day out. But the takeaway here, for me, is it’s important to stay open minded and be willing to go out of your comfort zone to do what’s best for yourself. You are worth that.

Sometimes it’s what you resist the most that can also HELP you the most!

Sunday Struggles – Don’t Take Things Personally

Our STRUGGLES are part of our STORY.

I still struggle not to feel isolated. I still struggle to feel like I am part of things; to not feel lonely even when surrounded by people.

I think this is part and parcel with someone who lost her hearing at a crucial time in life. And I can’t speak for other hard of hearing people, but I would bet money that I’m not the only one who feels this way on occasion.

So when things like someone in our party saying goodbye to everyone but me threaten to set me back… I have to remind myself people are human and commit oversights; that the persons intent likely wasn’t to make me feel isolated or less than. Shit happens.

Most people don’t set out to make others feel that way, and I know this! My mental battle isn’t always confident in that, but I continue to work on that. I continue to remember that I matter and I’m not invisible, no matter how it seems/feels at times.

Your mind is your biggest obstacle to overcome. Trust me on that.

 

Diabadass Life – Insulin Life

I am a lot of things, but patient is not one of my stronger characteristics.

I was resistant to insulin for such a long time, because the idea of more needles (doesn’t matter how skinny it is, sorry!) every day is honestly nauseating, but a little over a month ago I agreed to give it a try because the alternative was to continue doing everything mostly right, only to see no good changes in my numbers, only bad changes.

I obviously don’t have to tell you how defeating a feeling THAT was, so obviously I’d really rather not continue with such a vicious cycle.

So I agreed to try insulin. And if you asked me my ideal number yesterday when I got bloodwork done, a little over a month on insulin, it would be sitting comfortably at 6.2, down from 6.8… that would be ideal.

The result was not ideal, BUT… I do believe, and my doctor has reassured me 14 times over, that this is me on the right track; this is my body adjusting, transitioning, and stabilizing. He says this is normal, and I choose to believe the professional.

So while it’s UP to 7.2 from 6.8, it’s also a little unrealistic to expect everything to balance out in a months time. So here is where a little patience will do me well… this is a marathon, not a sprint!

My job right now is to keep up my healthy habits, keep the damn faith, and keep to my injections.

And so that’s what I will do. Because the alternative is STILL much less appealing than injections every day. That kinda mental roller coaster is not a ride I’d like to take again!

Work For It Wednesday – Pushups with Knee Tuck

Today is supposed to be a day off from my program, so I was gonna run, but this weather is not run-friendly so I instead opted to do Friday’s workout today, and hopefully Mother Nature calms her shit so I can run Friday… (hint, hint, girl…)

Well, Joel had some surprises for me today, starting with a full body HIIT workout including a move I have never done… obviously there is MUCH room for improvement here, but I’m willing to work for it, I’m willing to improve.

If you aren’t willing to work for it, to work towards improvement, nothing I say or do can help you.

YOU have to be willing to put in the work – you ready?!

Fuck Yeah Friday – Celebrate Your Hard Work

There is nothing wrong with celebrating your growth, your efforts, your progress… there is power in reflecting just. how far. you have come.

When I think back to a time in my life where I was weak and actually HATED my body, to now where I feel strong and have learned to LOVE my body… I get emotional.

I work so hard and I’m GRATEFUL to do so, because there was a time in my life where I COULD NOT do so; I couldn’t even hold my purse without pain and back spasms, so my consistency and gratitude stems from KNOWING what it feels like to feel HELPLESS, and I’m honored to show up for myself every day, and I’m PROUD to celebrate the hard work I put in – and YOU should celebrate YOUR hard work, too!

Thursday Thoughts – Celebrate The Journey, Not Just The Destination!

We are our own harshest critics, right?

There are a lot of miles tacked up on this paper, but I was so focused on the END RESULT that I was forgetting to celebrate the JOURNEY of getting there, forgetting to celebrate the fact that my legs have run 49.99 miles in 42 days!

For reference (and if I’m being honest, FUN!), I tallied up all my runs from 21August2017 through 17June2018, for a total of 15 runs and 32.3 miles total, in TEN MONTHS.

From the start of this challenge (18June2018) through 31July2018, I have 17 runs totaling 49.99 miles in SIX WEEKS.

That’s a HUGE difference and I needed the reminder that I’m CRUSHING IT, instead of being ‘woe is me, I’m so behind the pace I set for this.’

Eff no, I’m gonna celebrate faster times, longer runs, frequency, and the fact my legs are gettin’ toned. as. eff!

Don’t be so damn focused on the DESTINATION that you neglect to •appreciate and celebrate• the JOURNEY that gets you there! 😊

 

Transformation Tuesday – You Can’t IMPROVE If You Don’t BEGIN

5 years ago, a 25 minute cardio workout would floor me (as in, I’d lay on the floor for minutes after, trying to catch my breath and process what the eff just happened!)

5 years ago, I couldn’t do a real push-up to save my life (I mean, I suppose if you held a gun to my head, the adrenaline might work in my favor… but it wouldn’t be pretty!)

5 years ago I couldn’t even run half a mile without cramping up and struggling to breath (and now 3 miles is a shorter run for me!)

I could go on and on.

5 years ago I couldn’t do a LOT of things that I can do now.

And that’s not to be braggy, it’s to show you the power of consistency – every day you show up, you get better. Stronger. Faster.

It comes easier – not because what you couldn’t do CHANGED, but because YOU CHANGED.

{{ BUT YOU HAVE TO SHOW UP }}

For 5 years now I have been showing up daily, consistently (and yes, I do pride myself on my consistency because many days, the struggle is fuckin’ real!) and working on myself.

I joined arms with others wanting to work on themselves, and together we push, we progress. The support and accountability have been GAME CHANGERS.

Some of these changes have physical transformations, but the real power lies in MENTALLY realizing I am capable of a lot more than I give myself credit for. And it’s empowering to continue to work towards being ABLE to do what I may not CURRENTLY be able to do.

You can’t IMPROVE if you don’t BEGIN.

YOU are the best damn project you will ever work on… are you ready to show up daily {{ FOR YOURSELF }} and ditch the excuses?! Let’s do it!