Wellness Wednesday – Know when to be gentle!

This mornings mood boost provided by a new flavor of iced coffee – pistachio! 😍

Normally my mood boosts come in the form of endorphins from a workout… but today I couldn’t even muster the energy to get out of bed. I’m dealing with some intense emotions and I just wanted to sleep (or try…), and even though working out usually helps my mood, today I chose to be gentle and focus on resting.

Wellness includes knowing when not to push – knowing when to be gentle with yourself. Took me waaaay too long to grasp that, but I’m better for it!

Thursday Thoughts – It takes STRENGTH to ask for help

She’s referring to depression, here. And she’s right! Talking to someone, asking for help, admitting you aren’t feeling happy or like yourself… NONE of these things are signs of weakness.

It takes a TREMENDOUS amount of strength to share what’s going on, to admit you aren’t happy and need help.

If YOU need someone to talk to, or just someone who will listen, I am always here. No judgment, just compassion and a friendly shoulder to lean on, because life is tough and we are all in this together.

You matter, your feelings matter, and your life matters 💕

Tuesday and I am sick…

I’m not good with being sick. There’s always things to be done and I’m the worst with just taking time to rest so I can get better.

It took everything in me not to get up and get my sweat on, but I know that’s not what my body needs right now, and while it’s definitely a struggle to be out of my normal routine, I’m grateful I can RECOGNIZE when my body needs the rest and HONOR that.

I didn’t always listen to my body.

So today I am. My wonderful husband made me tea with lemon and honey, and I’m taking it easier today so I can get back to my normal productive life as soon as possible!

I don’t get sick often but when I do I get knocked down hard!

Soul Care Sunday – Ladies Day at the Winery

Thank you to the wonderful souls who kept us company today – my own soul needed that kind of judgment-free, welcomed distraction, and I’m reminded once again that no matter how tough life gets, there are always people who care and are there and will be a source of love and laughter.

It’s always humbling to look at how many awesome people we have in our corner and to remind ourselves how blessed we are! We appreciate all of you!

💕 the best wines are the ones we drink with friends (loved this Kari!) 💕

Tuesday Thoughts – Curveball

((Feel no obligation to read this pretty lengthy post, but writing is cathartic to me!))

I snapped this pic mere minutes before the ultimate come down…

To understand why this past weekend and it’s turn of events was so painfully emotional for me, it might help to understand part of why I feel as passionately about Phish as I do.

Not everyone knows how and why I came to fall in love with Phish… the reasons are certainly plentiful…

They gave me hope following a very challenging time – a sudden, profound hearing loss – that I was still going to be okay, and I was still going to be able to enjoy music. I know, it seems SILLY to worry about, but it was real for me. Music is the great unifier, so at a time where I felt overwhelmingly “different”, the music kept me from feeling completely shut out.

While many of their songs are lyrically prominent, Phish has an equally impressive catalog of songs where the instrumentals are what shine; the jams, improvs, and zany little tangents you can just close your eyes and feel with every fiber of your being…

So as someone who can’t stand genericness, while I love them for their unique, goofy, off the cuff lyrics, I also love them for the tasty jams where my inability to always make out lyrics doesn’t matter. Again, they serve as some sort of great equalizer.

And I have spent countless hours listening, relistening and listening again. I have taught myself the lyrics to be able to sing along with an impressive number of songs for someone teetering on the line of deafness.

And every time I see them perform, every time I am in the moment and enjoying the music, I am always GRATEFUL that my hearing loss didn’t extend just a little further, rendering me unable to fully enjoy the music. It’s actually really powerful and I really do send up some gratitude for this daily.

Outside of the music… the connections, the community, the reunions, the vibe, the friends who travel from near and far, the ‘strangers’ that instantly become your family, the moments and memories you make with your crew, the escape from the sometimes stressful realities of this beautiful little ride called LIFE… yeah, you look forward to that!

In this setting, all truly seems right, and that’s not a feeling I experience often in today’s world, but there, ensconced in a community of love, light and positive vibes… it just all feels RIGHT. If it makes me selfish to want those moments, then I’m selfish and I’m okay with that.

Live music – festival or not – feeds my soul. It lights me up and elevates my whole being. When the world works hard to jade you, the music is what keeps me from falling too far down that rabbit hole. The vibe of “we’re all in this together” reminds me, as someone who has spent a good chunk of her life feeling left out and isolated, that I’m not alone. You ALWAYS have phamily.

Those close to me tend to know how passionately I do everything that I do, and a weekend such as this was certainly not exempt from that, so to be there, to be set up, experiencing the excitement and beginnings of what had promised to be an amazing weekend, to then have it pulled out from under us at the 11th hour was ROUGH. It doesn’t MATTER that we knew it was the right decision based on health and safety. Disappointment is disappointment.

There is simply no way to properly describe the brutal descent from such a vibrant, high-on-life high to such a silent, empty-feeling low. There was nowhere else for the intense emotions to go but out of my tear ducts.

To feel… to see… to hear the happy, noisy, delighted and excited vibe drop to crushing silence and people just wandering, dazed and confused, in disbelief, was brutal. The energy shift was UNREAL. We made the best of the time we had, because that’s what this community does, but there was a really sad, bummed out undertone.

The months of build up, planning, excitement, logistics… the anticipation. The wondering what we missed. The sadness for the boys – you know it kills them that the party they spent a year planning would now never see the light of day.

All the artwork, installations, experiences, memories… all that hard work that would never fully be seen and appreciated by 35-40k people. As a creationist myself, that’s just gut wrenching. Phish is well known for their attention to detail, and I was bummed not to be able to check it all out, as a detail-oriented soul myself.

Life is sometimes really tough, and this was something to look forward to; this was a bright light for me after some dim bulbs.

They put their heart and souls into this and you can’t help but feel for them.

Yet, as bummed as we all are, we all are sending up healing vibes to the residents of the area. We KNOW they are the priority. We all realize life goes on, Phish WILL play again, and this is now part of Phistory.

It’s more than okay to feel sad and disappointed – if you were able to get over this instantly, you probably weren’t going for the right reasons; just my .02!

As for the people saying “it’s just a concert; get over it”, I understand you may not get it; Phish is not for everyone, that much is clear. But have you never been excited for something? Would it not bum you out if it vanished into thin air?

There are few bands who have more of a dedicated, passionate following, THIS MANY years later. I am proudly one of them and have been since my freshman year of high school – I’ve seen them through their highs, I’ve seen them through their lows, and my heart hurts for them just as I know their hearts hurt for us.

I’m forever grateful to be part of this community 💕

But we’ll just keep swimming; there IS more Phish upstream 🐠

Taco Tuesday!

I mean, right?!

Look, people have the right to be negative, but you have the right to take yourself away from it!

As a rehabbing negative Nellie, I can tell you it is way more fun and way more uplifting to not be that person.

I can say this because, I’ve been on both ends. I used to be that super negative person. I used to be the person heaping my negativity onto others, bringing them down and killing the feel good vibes.

And this is hard for some people to imagine, they express surprise when I mention how bad I was and how I was called out on it. Their surprise is honestly the most wonderful feeling, because it means I’m THAT FAR removed from being that person!

It means I have come so far, and worked so hard, and spent copious amounts of time battling my mindset.

I still battle it, I likely always will… but those negative thoughts are now the exception, not the rule, and life is just so much better that way!

Now, where are my tacos? 🌮

Monday Mood Boost – Immerse Yourself In Nature

This weekend was spent reconnecting with nature, disconnecting from technology, and was then topped off by immersing ourselves in love in a gorgeous setting.

I can’t really speak to how powerful a weekend it was.

I can’t put it into words.

I have tried… but nothing feels SUFFICIENT enough to encapsulate just how much I NEEDED such a weekend.

My soul has been hurting lately. And rather than admit it, I let my ego take control and I just kept truckin’…

And that’s not necessarily a BAD thing… but it’s also equally important to HONOR all emotions, to NURTURE your soul; to let yourself FEEL and let yourself HEAL.

Mother Nature is ALWAYS healing. She has never let me down. She ensconces me in her beauty, her power. She whispers sweet somethings into my soul to remind me I’m freakin’ strong, even in my weakest moments.

She reminds me that all my ego does is hold me back; she reminds me it’s okay to have tough days – they won’t last. She encourages me to work through what’s challenging me and embrace what it’s trying to teach me.

There is beauty in all lessons, truly.

It was so nice to just sit, soak it all in and appreciate the beauty, and then cap it off by celebrating the nuptials of dear friends, which actually served as the perfect ending to a perfect weekend; a reminder that bad days don’t last, love is a powerful antidote, and life is way too short to give too much life hours to the less desirable parts of life.

To all who were a part of this much needed, incredibly powerful weekend, thank you. It was so welcomed, necessary, appreciated and healing.

Fuck Yeah Friday – Program Completion Swag!

If I may be a materialistic person here for a sec… I LOVE these shirts we get for completing a Beachbody program!

I love a tangible reminder of the tears, the sweat, the effort, the grind, the highs AND the lows. I just love it.

It’s a nice little prize in addition to the FEELING of accomplishment, of knowing no matter how many times you may have wanted to quit and throw in the towel (guilty…) because something is HARD, you didn’t quit, you kept going and you completed it.

I have said many times how the timing of this programs release was absolute perfection for where I was in my life, and I am especially so grateful to this program for lifting me out of a serious depression, showing me what I am made of, giving me a worthwhile project to focus on, and helping me {{ HEAL }}

Have you ever completed a program in its entirety?