Today, I cried.
I sat in my docs office discussing important things, and then suddenly, woooooosh, this POWERFUL wave of emotions completely overcame me, my voice broke, and I cried.
I am a verrrrrry emotional being, and I think no one is more surprised than myself that I haven’t sobbed my way through this pregnancy more than I actually have… and I think being so close (yet still. so. farrrr.) and discussing such real stuff kinda hit me hard, and I was no match for the emotions.
So I cried. I surrendered. She assured me these emotions and the manner they hit me were normal. We went and met with more of my team, we discussed some of the things concerning me, we made a plan, we discussed resources, we just simply talked it all out… and I felt better.
Am I still nervous? Of course! I’d be worried if I didn’t have any nerves about something so incredibly life changing.
But I DO have faith that through the various resources, we’ll get the support we need. I DO have faith that through various avenues, we will be able to bring in some income during my maternity leave (that was a huge part of my stress – feeling like I either had to take a 3 month, no-paycheck hit, which we are comfortable in life but not quite THAT comfortable, or leave my baby a mere two weeks after giving birth, which would honestly not only completely shatter my heart, but could also be disastrous to my health as we will need time to find the new normal for my blood sugars post partum!), and I DO have faith that every little thing will be alright, someway and somehow.
Knowing there are support systems and such in place, and hearing about these directly from those who deal with them every day, directly from the people who will handle much of it for me, went a long way towards easing the stress of wondering how I was gonna make all that work while also navigating the beginning of motherhood and all the powerful postpartum emotions I anticipate myself experiencing – and I think we’ve established what stress does to a diabetic, so I was definitely on this vicious cycle, and I’m happy to have climbed off and caught my breath.
As for all the other feelings, I consider them all normal; as I said, I would be more concerned if something so incredibly life changing wasn’t registering within my heart, mind, and soul. Knowing myself, and knowing what an emotionally charged person I am, I know this is normal for me and to be expected, and I’m incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful support team to guide me through, and incredible friends and family by my side.
They say it takes a village and I could NOT be more thankful, grateful, or blessed for the one we have; for the one that will help us welcome this tiny baby into the world.