**vulnerable post alert!!**
I am 19 in this #flashbackFriday pic. I am actually the heaviest weight I have ever been here, in this pic at age 19… I am currently 35.
In one of my challenge groups recently, we were talking about things we had done before Beachbody – Weight Watchers, cabbage soup diet, etc – and whether or not any of it worked…
I was NEVER the girl who tried diets. I never starved or denied myself stuff. I always loved my fruits and veggies (and the carbs! oh, the carbs!) and I mean, sure, I like junk food as much as anyone, but I was never that girl who binged and purged. I ate, I enjoyed. I LIVED.
I was ACTUALLY the girl working EXTRA HARD to stuff my face to COUNTERACT the constant comments and accusations of an eating disorder for much of my life – I was “skinny fat” and had ZERO muscle tone, and I thought nothing of “working out” for an hour and then heading off to half priced apps with coworkers and eating enough junk to fill me up for 3 days.
I was always small – small is just how I am. But there were SO many people who could NOT accept that – they would tell me to eat a sandwich or a burger (of which I DID eat plenty – I love food!), accuse me of eating disorders and depriving myself, and make snide, hurtful comments.
Look – I know FAT SHAMING is a problem in this world, but SKINNY SHAMING is just as bad!
Can we JUST STOP SHAMING people for their bodies?! Please? That shit has lasting impressions and consequences. And it’s unnecessary!
To this day, I can’t stand the word skinny – I don’t want it associated with myself or my health. I still flinch when people tell me “you are so skinny!”
I am fit. I have muscles. I am toned. I am FIERCE!
And it honestly WAS Beachbody and the challenge groups and the fitness programs and the COMMUNITY that made me see it’s OKAY to be all of that. It’s okay to eat real food, to strike the BALANCE. It was this very community that helped me realize it is OKAY to be SMALL but strong and fierce – that is just how I am built!
I wish the me NOW could go back and tell the me of the past NOT to cry over people’s sometimes extremely harsh words. I would tell her she has NOTHING to prove to anyone but herself, so EMBRACE being the tiny little badass you know you can be, and pay absolutely zero attention to anything or anyone saying otherwise!
(but seriously, can we just stop any and all body shaming? please?)